Category: Uncategorized

The Old Man and the C:\ Drive

An old man sat in his living room, a roaring fire to his right and four of his grandchildren seated on the floor in front of him. “I remember,” the elder wistfully intoned as he leaned back in his gently humming hover-recliner, new from Hammacher Schlemmer and now available at a Sharper Image store near you, “I remember when, if you wanted to play a video game on your PC, ya had to go to the store and buy a disc, sometimes two. DLC was called ‘expansion packs’ back then,” he continued, as his grandchildren just sat there vaping because apparently that nonsense sticks around for a while, “and ya had to go out and buy those on discs, too. Microtransactions were called ‘cheat codes,’ and they were free. And if you wanted to shout unoriginal obscenities and nonsensical racial slurs at other players online, ya had to type it. With your hands!”

“But grandpa,” piped up his grandson, Tyrion Tumblrpage, exhaling just the hugest vape-cloud, you don’t even know, bro. “What about ethics in video game journ-” A muted “thud” sounded as Tyrion was cut off by a vicious running knee from his grandpa, one he never saw coming.

“Sorry, kid,” said the old man as he helped the child sit back up and collect his teeth, “instinct kinda took over for a second there.” Easing back down into his chair, the man folded his hands and let out a deep sigh. “Anyway,” he continued, “you’ve heard me talk about this a thousand times, I’m sure, so I’ll stop boring you all. Pass me the remote, will ya? I wanna see how Deflategate’s goin’.”

**Epilogue**
The old man turned his gaze to the television, raising the remote and changing the channel, only to find a blank screen bearing a simple message in a large, golden font: “By order of Supreme Classy Leader With Huge Hands Who Everybody Loves Donald Trump, the NFL has been disbanded, to be replaced with the return of the XFL. Stay tuned for infomercials for steak and bottled water.”

Well, Here I Am

Beardy

I remember when I first heard the word “blog.” I was 12 years old watching TV in the kitchen (as one does), and heard it spoken by a reporter desperately trying to fill time between events at the 2002 Salt Lake City Winter Olympics.

I thought it was a really dumb word.

That being said, here I am 14 years later, officially stepping into the vaunted “blogosphere” (also an incredibly dumb word). For the most part, this is happening because every now and then, I’ll have a thought or two that take a few more words to explain than Twitter’s character limit or the attention span of the average Facebook user will allow. This is where those thoughts will live. As such, there likely won’t be much of a connecting thread between posts. Some may be lengthy “rants” about political or social issues, while others may be movie reviews, and still others light-hearted anecdotes. Basically, if I don’t want to bother my wife by jabbering incessantly about something in particular, it’ll probably show up here.

That’s really all you need to know. The first few posts will be kind of a backlog of some of my longer Facebook statuses from recently; beyond that, I guess we’ll see. Now, on to the jabbering!